24 Feb Decisions, Decisions…
by Tiffany Harelik, April Leman, and Leisha Barnette
Clarity is the gift from the freedom of bondage of mind.
In life, we have a series of decisions—some mundane, some life altering. We’ve been conditioned to “think through” decisions, putting a lot of emphasis on the mind’s ability to sort through what’s in our best interest. But sometimes we hit a wall. The mind gets restless wondering what to do. A decision needs to be made—but how?
Confusion can indicate we need more information, information we need is not available yet, we’re avoiding something we perceive as difficult, we are having emotions that feel overwhelming or are making things unclear—or we just don’t know what to do. Have you heard the saying ‘unconditional love does not mean unconditional tolerance’? When the mind is struggling with something, chewing on it over and over—that’s a form of tolerating confusion.
Fighting something is a form of accepting (tolerating) it.
Acceptance of what is—leads to surrender, clarity, and then decision. There are many ways of making decisions. Fortunately you have a unique navigational system for your own decision-making process. That system is your Strategy and Authority, which can be found in your Human Design bodygraph (similar to your natal astrology chart). You can look yours up for free at mybodygraph.com. Once you find your Strategy and Authority, here is a helpful article to learn how to work with your inner decision-maker:
Have you ever had an emotional hangover? Sometimes we are faced with difficult decisions that make other people uncomfortable. When we are trying to avoid hurting others, it can interfere with our decisions—we override what we feel is best, for the sake of saving someone else from pain, or saving ourselves from the pain of their reaction. When faced with a tough decision, it’s important to do what’s most loving for you, while also communicating clearly to others. Here is some sample language: ‘If I’m honest with you and with myself, xyz is the decision I am making. Thank you for understanding.”
Simple Steps for Making Decisions
Step 1: Determine if you’re feeling emotional, or if you’re trying to make a decision. If you’re having feelings, it can be helpful to work through your feelings first, before trying to make any decisions. Sitting with the emotion, feeling it, releasing it (by crying, breathing, moving) and being aware of not attaching reasons, stories or narratives to it can allow it to clear, so the true situation can be seen with honest eyes.
Step 2: Consider what type of decision is being made and what tool might be useful support (see below). Are you asking the right questions?
Step 3: Follow your Strategy and Authority (find this in your Human Design Chart)
Step 4: Make Peace with Yourself. You were born wise, you know what to do, and you can’t make any mistakes.
If you’re really stressed out and stuck
It can be helpful for some of us to get it out of our head. Write the problem on paper with some potential solutions as part of the self-inquiry process, reach out to a friend (or a few) to run it by them, then go help someone else (volunteer your time/talent)—this gets us out of our head. Acting our way into clear thinking really works. We don’t have to keep trying to manage the decision. Just wait. Give yourself time for your own process. This strengthens trust in ourselves and honors our inner guidance.
There are questions you can ask that are particular to you, according to your design. These questions for what we call ‘open centers’ are:
Does it matter/ concern me at this moment? (Head)
Do I feel like I need to be certain about this? (Ajna)
Am I trying to attract attention? (Throat)
Am I fixated on finding love and direction (and therefore, my identity)? (G)
Am I trying to prove my worth/ value? (Heart/ Ego)
Do I know when enough is enough? (Sacral)
Am I in a hurry to be free of the pressure? (Root)
Am I holding on to what isn’t good/ healthy for me and my well-being? (Spleen)
Am I avoiding truth and confrontation? (Solar Plexus)
To go deeper:
What situation/person is disturbing me?
How do I treat that situation/person? What is my behavior towards it/them?
How do I act with other people in regards to this situation? (Do I look for sympathy instead of a solution?)
Have I connected with my higher power on this?
What do I need in order to feel safe, secure, and resolved?
How is my self-esteem? / Where am I getting my worth?
What do I want to happen and why?
Why am I having this thought?
Where have I been selfish, dishonest with myself/others, inconsiderate?
Whom have I hurt and what could I do differently?
Where have I been self-centered, self-seeking, self-righteous?
Have I engaged in self-pity/victim mentality?
Have I been overly self-reliant?
Where have I been delusional, or omitted certain things?
What am I afraid of?
Who am I depending on in order to feel a certain way (and can anyone actually make me feel differently)?
What does my highest self want?
Am I taking things too seriously, or not seriously enough?
Am I wasting hours in stinkin’ thinkin’ with mind candy instead of solution?
“Mom” Advice on Making Decisions
Here are a few wise words from some of our favorite mother-figures:
Pray about it, make a decision, and act your way into right thinking.
Have no fear – there are no mistakes. I taught my kids to always follow their heart and do what they felt was best in the moment. If they get down the road and the choice is no longer working for them – just make a left turn, head in a new direction by making a new decision. It’s been my experience that I couldn’t have gotten to this “great place” if I hadn’t gone through that supposedly “bad place”. What goes up, must come down and what goes down, must come up.
Go slow, and no one will get hurt.
Learn to reparent yourself with meditation and kindness: What would the best mom in the world tell you or your inner child?
Before you make the final call
Ensure you’re in a good place to make a clear decision. Are you rested, have you eaten well, are you hydrated, are you thinking clearly, have you processed emotions around this thoroughly and are in a place of clarity? If you’re Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired —HALT and take care of your basic needs first. If you have unresolved trauma, it’s helpful to bring awareness and release to that, so you can connect with your inner guidance. If you’re not clear, don’t make a decision. It’s okay to wait.
Tools for Making Decisions
What type of decision you are trying to make can help determine what tool is best. The way you ask the question is important, and can inform which tool you want to use to help you explore your answer.
Sometimes it helps to get things out of your head and onto paper. See our self-inquiry questions above for journal prompts.
We have five physical senses (seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching) that extend into the unseen (psychic) realm. What is your sixth sense saying about your decision? Are you noticing any intuitive hits or gut instincts?
Phone a Friend – or Several
Talking through your situation and mind thoughts (pros/ cons, etc.) with a trusted friend or mentor – or several! – is a good way to check yourself. Often, this will allow you to hear what comes out, revealing something you may not have been aware of. Being in public spaces can also bring clarity because it connects different streams of your awareness; you may see something new just by sitting at the coffee shop or going to the farmers’ market!
Tarot spreads can bring awareness to your own process and give you clues for self-reflection into your own inner guidance. Did you know we offer Free Tarot Fridays on our YouTube Channel? Please subscribe to help us get these free, heartfelt messages out to others who may be struggling. Also! Our FREE Tarot Class is Coming Soon! And if you’re new to tarot—check out our favorite book on the subject: “The Tarot Primer”
Each planet has its own influence in your natal chart and in the Skies. In fact, here are twelve astrology life hacks. When it comes to decisions, Mercury is King. How is Mercury influencing your chart?
- What sign and house are your natal Mercury in? This gives you information about how you learn, understand, think, communicate, and make decisions.
- Is Mercury in retrograde? This is not an ideal time to access clarity.
- Is Mercury in the Skies affecting your natal chart? An experienced astrologer can interpret the angles and cycles of Mercury—and all the planets—to help give extra insight and optimal timing on important decisions.
- Dropping the link for 2022 Mercury transits right here.
How are the Nodes affecting your chart? What about the Moon? Having an astrology deep dive with Tiffany can help bring insight to the timing of your important decisions.
The Akashic Records are a great decision making tool, especially if you are unclear on how you feel about your options and the choices you need to make. You can also ask very direct questions of your records to get a sense of how each option will affect you in the long term.
After opening your records, imagine being lifted on an airplane and delivered to your favorite place in nature (real or imagined). Imagine yourself entering a white tent, filled with plush blankets and pillows, a cozy fire is burning in the center and you are completely safe and at peace. Then call forward any guides who need to be present for this moment. Maybe even loved ones or close friends who you trust and who support you. You can even imagine I am there with you (April) or Tiffany or Leisha. Ask that these guides support you in banishing fear and anxiety from your thoughts.
Ask out loud that wisdom, peace, love and truth be present with you in this sacred space. Then bring the decision you need to make forward in your mind. Allow yourself to watch what will happen if you make that choice. If fear or anxiety comes up, just acknowledge it and dismiss it.
Allow your body to feel a verbal ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to each layer of that decision. For example, if you are wondering if you should change careers, maybe the first question is around leaving your current job. Maybe it’s around starting a side hustle or a part time job, then moving in deeper and deeper until you get to the core choice that you need to make. Usually, at the core, we get down to a place of identity: “Will I still be me if I walk away from this dynamic that is no longer serving me?” or “Will I still be loved if I stop giving into this cycle of codependency?” (spoiler alert: The answer is YES! You will!)
After closing the records, journal everything you thought/saw/felt/learned during your time. Or if you are a verbal processor, call up a friend and tell them about your experience. You can even just record a voice memo for yourself. If you want assistance, you can always book a one-on-one session with April.
Human Design shows us that each of us has a unique and specific Strategy and Authority for our own inner process of decision-making. Some of us need to wait out your emotional cycle so you can see all sides, some of us know spontaneously in the moment, some of us need to talk it out with the correct other person/ people to hear how we truly feel, some of us may need to follow the lunar cycle to come to the correct decision. [Check out this article & podcast on Human Design Aura Types, which determine the individual Strategy for decisions!]
Once you become aware of your own inner guidance system and the mechanics of how you are designed to operate in your life, it’s about learning to honor and trust it. Over all else. Only you know what’s right for you, no one else. It’s about becoming aware of what you may not be aware of: how you’re designed to make decisions within yourself.
The mind will pipe up with SO many reasons to not follow your strategy and authority. It’s about watching that – seeing that the mind is doing it’s pros and cons lists and weighing all the options. I (Leisha) like the practice of thanking my mind – because that is what it’s good at: measuring, conceptualizing, seeing both sides, having ideas and opinions! But then gently and kindly letting it know it can sit back now and enjoy the show because I am trusting my strategy and authority. I am honoring my own inner guidance. Thank you, sweet Mind, for your contribution; you did your job.
Remember, life is an experiment! Awareness of your decision-making is key. If you “make a mistake” (don’t trust your own inner knowing or can’t access it), what can you notice about how it feels (resistance – frustration, bitterness, anger, disappointment)? You can make a different choice next time, follow your strategy and authority, and notice how it feels (satisfaction, success, peace, surprise). Collect the data over time. What patterns emerge about your decision-making in your own experiment?
Most importantly, this process for making decisions, big and small, in your life can bring you to deeper and deeper levels of what you are here to do: truly and profoundly love yourself.